39 Weeks

Saturday, 30 November 2013

How far along: 39 weeks

How big baby is: She is a giant. :) But seriously, we’ll find out tomorrow!

Baby is the size of: a watermelon - can’t stop the produce comparisons now!

Baby’s development: As my doctor said at my appointment this week, “She’s done. She’s cooked long enough!”

Mommy’s belly: I measured my waist at the biggest part of my belly today. It was an embarrassing 48 inches! Wow! I also weighed myself this morning. I have gained 41 pounds. Of course, who wants to admit this stuff in an online blog? But for the sake of posterity, I will record it. :)

Baby’s movements: Her movements have been a bit more sporadic this week. There was one day that she hardly moved and when she did her movements were very subtle. Then last night she was wiggling up a storm! It made me want to see her so much!

Symptoms: Everything hurts, everything I do makes it hurt worse. But she is so worth it. :)

Food cravings: I still want sweet tea all the time and now that we are having cooler fall weather, I’ve been wanting a QT cappuccino every day too. (I have indulged only twice this week in that particular craving.) David has suggested our favorite hot dog restaurant several times lately and that hasn’t sounded good to me at all, so apparently, I’m having an aversion to hot dogs right now.

Emotions:I have been crazy emotional the last couple of weeks. I’m not sure how much of that is hormone related and how much of it is related to my fears after losing four babies. It has been a rough week with a lot of tears even though I am so happy that delivery day is getting so close.

Sleep: I have still been sleeping all night long, but of course the quality of the sleep hasn’t been quite what I would love. Between the discomfort and the excitement of Ariana’s arrival, I have woken up a LOT at night - at least once an hour and sometimes more. But I am grateful for the sleep I have been able to get.

Preparations: Goodness, we have been busy this week! I wanted the house to be perfect when we came home. I usually clean like a fiend before we leave for a vacation because I don’t like coming home to a messy house. This is like that. I want to bring this baby home to a house that is clean and clutter-free so that I can just relax and take care of my family rather than feel stressed about housework that needs to be done. I want my house to look nice so that when people come to visit I don’t have to feel embarrassed about how messy it is. Besides, when you come home from the hospital you bring so much junk with you - that will be mess enough without being added to a mess that was already here. A couple of weeks ago I did a big deep cleaning - similar to the “spring cleaning” that a lot of people do. This week I simply did my regular housework and made sure that things were organized. I cleaned out the fridge. My husband helped to make sure that Ariana’s room is completely finished and ready. We put up our Christmas tree last night and rearranged our living room furniture to accommodate the tree, bassinet, and baby swing. I got my hair trimmed yesterday and even gave myself a manicure and pedicure. (Let me tell you, giving myself a pedi at 39 weeks was a challenge!) Today I will pack the final little things and we will be ready to go! It feels so nice to be prepared.

Anything else: This week involved tough decision making for me. My induction has been scheduled for about three weeks now, but the doctor has always said that if I wasn’t ready this week he would postpone it for another week. I saw him Tuesday and he said things hadn’t really progressed and I wasn’t ready, but with the baby being about 9 pounds, 5 ounces (seriously) he was okay with inducing if I really wanted him to. When I asked him what he thought I should do, he said he simply couldn’t tell me. I think the conundrum was that the same risks probably exist either way. If the baby really is that big and continued to grow for another week or two, would I be able to deliver her? If I have only a week left and she has not even begun to descend into my pelvis, will she ever? Her head was measuring “out of range” and the measurements were freaking me out.

He did tell me that being induced when I am barely dilated to one centimeter and the baby hasn’t started to drop will be “brutal” but that he understood my worries about letting her get too big and knew that that could make a rough delivery as well. It was a decision I had hoped so much to avoid and one I had agonized over for the last couple of weeks. But my husband and I had talked about it a lot and I had spent a lot of time praying about it. In the end, I knew that the right decision for me was to be induced on December 1st.

I’ll be honest, part of my motivation was emotional as well. After saying goodbye to four babies already, I have struggled with anxiety during this pregnancy. My losses were all first trimester losses, but in my journey, I met and heard the stories of so many women who lost their babies after 37 weeks - many of them for reasons completely unknown. I have said it so many times - I can’t unsee what I have seen or unknow what I now know. Although baby A has looked perfect (although big) at every single appointment I have had with the doctor, the fear still grips me sometime that I could make it this far and then still lose her. I have wrestled with this fear and spent a lot of time praying, asking God to keep her safe, and asking Him to help me trust Him. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t sit around all day every day imagining terrible scenarios. But at least a few times a week I will have to stop what I’m doing, tell God how scared I am, and ask Him to give me peace and to protect my sweet baby. For the duration of this pregnancy I have always said, “I feel like she won’t be completely safe until she is out of my body and in my arms.” I know that isn’t really true. In our fallen and sinful world, there is no such thing as “completely safe.” And I know that God carries her whether she is in my womb or out of it. But I won’t be able to completely relax until she has been born and I can see that she is healthy and perfect!

So, I say all that to say that it was a tough decision that I never wanted to make. It has been difficult for me to go through basically the same thing that happened at the end of my pregnancy with Penny - say goodbye to what my plans were for labor and delivery and put myself in the hands of the doctor’s and nurses. Some people have shared their opinions with me, whether I have asked for advice or not, which has added to my stress some. But the decision has been made and I will check into the hospital tonight to get things started. And regardless of everything else, I am beyond thrilled that God has given me this baby to carry. I am so thankful for a healthy pregnancy. And I am super excited that sometime tomorrow I will most likely be holding this sweet baby that I have prayed for a dreamed of for a very long time. My God is so good!

What I’m looking forward to: Baby time! Snuggles, the smell of her head, pouring over every detail of her body - her tiny fingers and toes, her chubby fat rolls (face it, she’ll have them), her sweet little nose and lips, her sleepy eyes. That first moment when she is in my arms and my husband kisses my forehead and all feels right in the world. Watching her big sister meet her for the first time. Watching her grandparents hold her for the first time. Changing her first diaper (yes, even that!). Bringing her home and watching her grow up. Every little thing...

To Induce Or Not To Induce?

Dear sweet baby Ariana,

Why don’t you want to come out? Today I had my last appointment with the doctor. This appointment was to decide whether or not he would induce me this coming weekend. Here is what I found out. You are HUGE. Seriously, based on ultrasound measurements you weigh 9 pounds and 5 ounces today at only 38 weeks, 4 days. That is crazy. Your head measurement was out of range. You’re a very big girl. But the problem is, you’re not getting ready to come out yet! Dr. N. said that you haven’t descended at all, you are not moving down into my pelvis. I’m still just dilated to one centimeter. That’s not terribly abnormal since I’m not even 39 weeks pregnant yet, but as big as you are, I just want you to come out now!

Dr. N. said it was really up to me as far as whether or not I would be induced this weekend. He didn’t really want to advise me either way. He couldn’t promise that I wouldn’t have a hard time delivering you if I let you stay in until 40 weeks or longer. But he is pretty sure that the labor will be long and hard if I am induced this weekend. Neither choice seems great and he wasn’t willing to tell me what I should do. He actually used the word “brutal” when describing what an induced labor will probably be like. But he acknowledged that you are really big and so delivery wouldn’t be easy either way, and the bigger you get, the harder that would be.

Ultimately, the decision was mine and your daddy agrees with me that inducing this weekend seems to be the right thing to do. This is pretty much how things went during my pregnancy with your big sister and I was so hoping to avoid it this time, but apparently my body just grows big, healthy babies!

So the plan is this: I will check into the hospital on Saturday evening at 7:30. They will give me some medication to ripen my cervix and monitor me to decide whether or not I’ll need a second dose of medication and/or pitocin as well. Then in the morning, Dr. N. will come in and assess how things are going, break my water, and crank up the pitocin and hopefully you’ll come before dinner time! So unless you come sooner than that, your birthday will most likely be December 1st.

I am praying a lot about this delivery. I am actually really nervous about delivering you since you’re so big. My main fear is that after a long and hard labor, I might have to have a C-section. I am fervently praying that won’t be the case. I am asking God to please allow me to go into labor naturally before Saturday night, and if that doesn’t happen, I’m asking that my body will respond well to the medications, that the labor will progress smoothly and quickly, and that the delivery will be relatively easy. Above all, I am praying that God will keep you safe and healthy for the rest of this pregnancy until you are home safely with me!

I am tired and huge and uncomfortable. And I am SO thankful that God has allowed me to carry you and be your mommy. I cannot wait to have you in my arms! I already love you so very much and can’t wait to tell you how special you are and how you are a miracle from God! See you soon!

Love, Mommy

38 Weeks

Friday, 22 November 2013

How far along: 38 weeks

How big baby is: I didn’t bother looking up the averages. At my appointment yesterday the doctor took some measurements during the ultrasound and estimates that baby Ariana is around 8 pounds or a little more today.

Baby is the size of: A giant baby… that’s how I feel anyway. But here’s the produce for the week… (A leek? Really? I’m guessing this is just to show how long the baby might be?)

Baby’s development: She’s done. She’s been cooking in there for 38 weeks. Her brain and lungs will continue to develop and she will probably be adding more fat until she is born.

Mommy’s belly: Well, posting belly shots at this point is not my favorite.  :)  But for posterity’s sake...

Baby’s movements: Her movements have gotten more subtle but not less frequent.

Symptoms: Exhaustion, irritability… I’m so done being pregnant. I’m ready for the baby!:)

Food cravings: Still sweet tea.

Emotions: I’m feeling irritable and impatient. I’m really trying not to be moody but it’s so hard. I don’t love this current version of myself and hope I am more pleasant to be around than I think I am!

Sleep: I’m sleeping well and sleeping a lot. Going to bed early, napping when I can. My energy is gone, which makes for great sleep.

Anything else: Apparently I misheard Dr. N. at my last appointment. Or he was wrong either this week or last week. But either way, I’m only dilated to a 1. He did still say I’m very soft which is a good start. Next week is Thanksgiving, which throws off our regular Thursday visits. I have to see him Tuesday and then he will decide if I can be induced on December 1st or if we need to put it off a week. I’m afraid he will put it off but I guess that’s in God’s hands. In the long run another week won’t make a huge difference, but right now, when I feel so miserable, it would make me really sad to have to wait longer. May the Lord give me patience!

What I am looking forward to: Tying my own shoes, being able to put lotion on my ankles, reaching things in the kitchen cabinets, fitting into some clothes - any clothes, rolling over in bed in less than 23 seconds. But more importantly, snuggling a new baby, nursing her, rocking her, dressing her, singing to her, smelling her, staring at her… you know, being a mommy. :)

37 Weeks

Friday, 15 November 2013

How far along: 37 weeks (!!!)

How big baby is: Average is 6 ⅓ pounds and 19 inches long, but baby A is probably about 7 ½ pounds. The doc didn’t give me measurements yesterday at my appointment.

Baby is the size of: a baby… but apparently, also the size of a bunch of Swiss chard. Whatever. :)

Baby’s development: God is just putting the finishing touches on this sweet girl. Just a little more brain and lung development and she will be ready to leave my womb and join us in this great big world!

Mommy’s belly:

Baby’s movements: She is still super active. Yay!

Symptoms: Nothing new. Everything hurts, I waddle instead of walk, and I am hungry a lot.

Food cravings: Nothing specific. I’m still trying not to go overboard on sweets. It’s hard! And I want sweet tea... all the time.

Emotions: I’m doing pretty well. I have let a little fear creep in again this week. After our second pregnancy loss I started going to a support group which was very instrumental in my healing. I continued going through the following two losses and have even been a few times during this healthy pregnancy. However, most of the women there lost their babies at 37 weeks or later. So although statistically it’s not accurate, in my mind, 37-40 weeks is just as dangerous as the first trimester. I can’t help but feeling that my Ariana will be safer once she is finally out of my womb and in my arms. I know that I can’t think that way - it’s not helping anything. So I’m praying that God will calm my fears and keep my baby girl safe and healthy. I have to simply trust Him!

Sleep: I’m afraid to nap because it often means I don’t sleep as well or as long at night. So most days I don’t nap anymore. I am sleeping about 7-8 hours each night, waking at least once an hour to sore or numb legs. But the sleep I get is pretty good. I can’t complain.

Anything else: I have told myself during this entire pregnancy that I do not want to be induced this time around. With my first daughter, I was induced three days before my due date and it was a terrible experience. However, now that I’m nearing my due date, I’m getting so tempted to schedule an induction. I knew that would happen. So yesterday my doctor asked me what my plan was. I confessed to him that I am torn between wanting the baby out but not wanting a terrible labor experience again. He assured me that he would never induce a mommy for any reason whose body is not ready for labor. He said that a lot of my issues last time were most likely because I wasn’t dilated or effaced enough and I was a first time mom. We ended up deciding to schedule an induction since I can always cancel that but I can’t show up at 39 weeks and request one that hasn’t been scheduled.

He did check me today and I am pretty sure that he said that I’m 70% effaced and dilated to a 2. (He goes so fast sometimes that after he leaves I am thinking, did I hear that right?) He thinks I’ll be ready for an induction at 39 weeks if that’s what I decide I want. And he also said that if he checks me at 39 weeks and doesn’t think I’m ready, he won’t go ahead with the induction. He just won’t induce a mommy who isn’t ready. And that does put me more at ease with the idea.

Of course my brain is going back and forth. I know that the worst part of being induced last time was that I tried to do it without an epidural. Pitocin with no epidural is just ridiculous. Don’t ever try it. But I’m planning to get an epidural regardless this time, so I’m thinking that having a baby on December 1st sounds pretty good! In the meantime I’ll talk to my husband and pray about it and I know God will show me what to do.

What I am looking forward to: Having the baby!!! What else?!?  :)  A couple of nights ago my husband patted my belly and said longingly, “She needs to be out.” Of course I assumed his motives for wanting her out were different than mine - maybe he is tired of me being so tired and huge or something. But he said that he just really can’t wait to see her and hold her. It was so sweet! (If you know my man, you know he’s not very mushy. This was pretty unusual.) Even Penny is ready to meet this baby. Just a few more weeks and she’ll be here!!!

36 Weeks

8 November 2013

How far along: 36 weeks

How big baby is: Average is 6 pounds and 18 ½ inches. However, I had an appointment with my doctor yesterday and based on baby A’s measurements she weighs about 7 pounds and 1 ounce. Yikes! Her head was also measuring above the 97th percentile. I sure hope she will come a little early!

Baby is the size of: romaine lettuce - but let’s face it, at this point we can just say that she’s the size of a BABY. Seriously...

Baby’s development: She's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected her skin during her nine-month amniotic bath. She swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, will form the contents of her first bowel movement. Doesn’t that sound lovely? Maybe not, but I love that it basically means she is getting ready for her life outside of my womb!

Mommy’s belly: These are definitely not my favorite photos anymore, but I plan to see it through until she is born. :)

Baby’s movements: She moves a lot and her movements are so strong that they make me quite uncomfortable. She have a few regular active times - specifically around 7:30 in the morning, in the afternoon after lunch, and in the evening around 8:00 or so. Although she makes me so uncomfortable, I still love feeling her move around inside me!

Symptoms: I am having a lot more Braxton-Hicks contractions, especially in the evening. It also feels like she is starting to “drop.” (Although when looking at her yesterday during the ultrasound the doctor said that she hasn’t moved down low into my pelvis yet.) My lower belly gets in the way a lot more now. When I’m sitting up straight it is resting on my legs. I still have terrible “pregnancy brain” - my short-term memory is terrible! That gets annoying when I am reading a book and having to go back a chapter or two to remember something that I just read the day before. I am also super clumsy. I probably drop something at least fifteen times a day. I am not exaggerating at all - isn’t that sad? It is frustrating that you become the clumsiest you have ever been when it is also more difficult than ever to reach down and pick something up from the floor.

I am very slow moving, which goes against my nature. Just making dinner wears me out completely. And I’m sleepy all the time. I still have a lot of pain from my SPD (symphisis pubis dysfunction). Getting in and out of the car is the worst as far as that goes. I did talk to my doctor about it and he said it isn’t that uncommon, especially in a second (or subsequent) pregnancy. He also said that it won’t affect my labor or delivery at all and should go away not long after the baby is born.

Goodness! I’m in a terrible state! I sound like a complainer which is not at all how I mean to sound! I just want to accurately record what this pregnancy has been like. But I am SO grateful to have contractions, have a giant belly that is in the way, be forgetful and clumsy, be in pain, and be tired because it means I’m going to have a baby! I have prayed for this for two and a half years now. Praise God for these wonderful pregnancy symptoms! :)

Food cravings: This week I have been in the mood for soups, chili, beans and rice - but that is all because we are finally having some beautiful, cool fall weather. I doubt they are pregnancy cravings. I’m eating plenty of gala apples too now that they are in season and are so crisp and sweet. I can’t eat very much at a time. There is just no room in my stomach for a large meal. So I typically eat three small meals a day and two snacks as well.

Emotions: I haven’t been as emotional but I think instead I’m just tired. I feel a little “blah” but at least I’m not weepy or angry. If I were able to just sleep for the rest of the pregnancy I would do it. I suppose I am feeling quite impatient. The last month is so hard! I have been waiting and waiting and now the time for baby A to arrive is so close but still not here. I feel like a kid waiting for Christmas day. I am praying that I will go into labor early - I’m praying to have her around 38 weeks. But I’m trying at the same time not to get my hopes up for that to happen. I need to be prepared to be pregnant until mid-December because it could, and probably will, happen that way.

Sleep: I am sleeping well enough. I still go to bed early, usually between 9:30 and 10:00. We had time change this last week so I am having a hard time sleeping as late as I would like to, but I think I’m starting to adjust.

Anything else: I think I finally have everything I need. My baby shower was last week and after that I was able to purchase the last few things that I still needed. This week I bought car seat protectors that go underneath both girls’ car seats and protect the fabric in the back seat of our car. I bought a pacifier clip that is also a teether. I ordered an ergonomic infant carrier, playpen sheets, a Christmas outfit, a fleece sleepbag, and a couple of footed sleepers. I also ordered a couple of shapewear/compression undergarments to wear after she is born. Hopefully that will help everything go back to where it should be a little quicker - although I don’t dare to dream that I’ll look normal before she is a year old. I learned that the hard way last time. :) The car seat arrived Wednesday - David’s co-workers bought it for us. I was so excited that instead of waiting for him to come home and install it I went out and installed it in the car immediately. Penny was pretty excited too. We bucked her baby doll named “Issa” in so that she could ride around town with us for a while. I’m glad Penny will be right next to Ariana when she is in the car so that she can help me with the baby while I drive - put her paci back in her mouth, fix her blanket, talk to her and entertain her. Hopefully Ariana won’t hate riding in the car the way her big sister did as a baby.

My hospital bags are as packed as they can get for now. I have four bags in the crib waiting for “D-day.” There is a labor bag, an overnight bag (that I won’t need until I am settled in my postpartum room, the baby’s diaper bag with her clothes, nightgowns, little caps, and a couple of pretty blankets (we all know the hospital blankets are ugly), and Penny’s bag to take with her to her grandparents’ house while David and I are at the hospital. The diaper bag is the only bag that is zipped shut and ready to go. The other three have little sticky notes on top telling me what to grab and add when I am in labor. I also made little “thank you” bags for the nurses and docs at the hospital. They each have chocolate, hand sanitizer, gum, lip balm, and tissues inside.

The baby’s room is ready to go. I will put fresh sheets in the crib and a fresh cover on the changing pad about a week before my due date. I have the diaper station ready to go with diapers, diaper cream, baby powder, diaper sacks, and the diaper pail. The only thing left to do in her room is to put up her wall shelf, which David promised me he would do very soon.

What I am looking forward to: I just really want to hold this girl! I am thinking about her constantly - seriously, all the time. I am trying to imagine what she will look like, imagine how Penny will do with a baby in the house, imagine holding her and kissing her and nursing her. I go in her bedroom and look at all her clothes, blankets, tiny headbands and hats. I just cannot wait to have her in my arms! It’s cute when my husband admits that he is excited and ready for her to be here as well. He doesn’t say “mushy” things like that very often, but I love it when he does.

Just four weeks to go! I can’t wait!

Baby Shower

Sweet girl, you are already very loved and blessed! Yesterday I had my baby shower and I was overwhelmed by the generosity of my friends and family! It’s not very typical to have a baby shower for a second child - especially when the second child is the same gender as the first. So I was surprised when my friends wanted to throw me a shower and really grateful for the sweet gesture! We had a good time and I felt very special. 

One year ago I was in the middle of losing babies and begging God to give me a healthy pregnancy. I was heartbroken and discouraged but I did not stop asking God for a baby. I am still so thankful that God chose to give me YOU. You are a miracle that should be celebrated!

Here is a quick list of who came to the shower and what they gave you (and me). :)

Aunt Jess - zebra patterned swaddle blanket, hand sanitizer for my diaper bag, coffee (definitely for me!), and a pink and gray zig zag changing pad cover that she made, which is super cute!

Katrina N. - baby wipes, rash cream, a cute flowered headband, and a soft little doll

Grams - a bookshelf organizer with pink baskets

Miss Kathy - two cute footed sleepers (one says “little sister”), a nursing tank top for me, and diapers

Elizabeth F. - diapers, wipes, bows, and hairclips

Tracy H. - nursing things for me  :)

Jade P. - hair barrettes, a soft little cuddle blanket, and a pretty gold sweater dress

Mindy L. - a gift card that I will use to buy a baby carrier

Lyndsie D. - a gift card to Gap

Nana - fancy socks, an outfit with jeggings to match Ralee’s, a princess toy rattle, and matching Christmas dresses for you and Penny

Libby W. - cute zig zag and elephant burp cloths and blankets that she made, diapers, and diaper sacks (for dirty diapers)

Sara D. & Kate C. - cute little newborn hats (one is pink polka dots with a bow!), bibs, an elephant teething toy, and a pink changing pad cover

Colleen M. - hooded towels, socks, bibs, and bodysuits

Great Grandma Dorothy - headbands with flowers and a cute ivory and gray outfit with a fuzzy hooded jacket

Aunt Kristi - a soft and adorable “rag quilt” that she made. Penny loves it and will be sad to give it to you once you arrive.

Aunt Jenn - a tiny bracelet, a fancy headband with a flower, a little hat, and a crib mobile

Laurie L. - a cute little outfit, wipes, and diapers

Sarah J. - a little denim ruffle dress with some headbands

Rebecca L. - baby body wash and lotion, nursing gel pads

Joy B. - little pants and an accessories kit (sunglasses, barrettes, headbands)

Laurie W. - bodysuit with a bunny on it and a matching snuggle blanket

Ai B. - an pink and black ruffle outfit from Japan, fancy socks, and a sleep sheep (a stuffed sheep that can play soothing noises to help you fall asleep)

Aren’t you a fortunate little girl? All of this before you are even born! I’m so thankful for sweet and generous friends and can’t wait until you are here and they can all meet and hold you!  One month to go!