39 Weeks

Saturday, 30 November 2013

How far along: 39 weeks

How big baby is: She is a giant. :) But seriously, we’ll find out tomorrow!

Baby is the size of: a watermelon - can’t stop the produce comparisons now!

Baby’s development: As my doctor said at my appointment this week, “She’s done. She’s cooked long enough!”

Mommy’s belly: I measured my waist at the biggest part of my belly today. It was an embarrassing 48 inches! Wow! I also weighed myself this morning. I have gained 41 pounds. Of course, who wants to admit this stuff in an online blog? But for the sake of posterity, I will record it. :)

Baby’s movements: Her movements have been a bit more sporadic this week. There was one day that she hardly moved and when she did her movements were very subtle. Then last night she was wiggling up a storm! It made me want to see her so much!

Symptoms: Everything hurts, everything I do makes it hurt worse. But she is so worth it. :)

Food cravings: I still want sweet tea all the time and now that we are having cooler fall weather, I’ve been wanting a QT cappuccino every day too. (I have indulged only twice this week in that particular craving.) David has suggested our favorite hot dog restaurant several times lately and that hasn’t sounded good to me at all, so apparently, I’m having an aversion to hot dogs right now.

Emotions:I have been crazy emotional the last couple of weeks. I’m not sure how much of that is hormone related and how much of it is related to my fears after losing four babies. It has been a rough week with a lot of tears even though I am so happy that delivery day is getting so close.

Sleep: I have still been sleeping all night long, but of course the quality of the sleep hasn’t been quite what I would love. Between the discomfort and the excitement of Ariana’s arrival, I have woken up a LOT at night - at least once an hour and sometimes more. But I am grateful for the sleep I have been able to get.

Preparations: Goodness, we have been busy this week! I wanted the house to be perfect when we came home. I usually clean like a fiend before we leave for a vacation because I don’t like coming home to a messy house. This is like that. I want to bring this baby home to a house that is clean and clutter-free so that I can just relax and take care of my family rather than feel stressed about housework that needs to be done. I want my house to look nice so that when people come to visit I don’t have to feel embarrassed about how messy it is. Besides, when you come home from the hospital you bring so much junk with you - that will be mess enough without being added to a mess that was already here. A couple of weeks ago I did a big deep cleaning - similar to the “spring cleaning” that a lot of people do. This week I simply did my regular housework and made sure that things were organized. I cleaned out the fridge. My husband helped to make sure that Ariana’s room is completely finished and ready. We put up our Christmas tree last night and rearranged our living room furniture to accommodate the tree, bassinet, and baby swing. I got my hair trimmed yesterday and even gave myself a manicure and pedicure. (Let me tell you, giving myself a pedi at 39 weeks was a challenge!) Today I will pack the final little things and we will be ready to go! It feels so nice to be prepared.

Anything else: This week involved tough decision making for me. My induction has been scheduled for about three weeks now, but the doctor has always said that if I wasn’t ready this week he would postpone it for another week. I saw him Tuesday and he said things hadn’t really progressed and I wasn’t ready, but with the baby being about 9 pounds, 5 ounces (seriously) he was okay with inducing if I really wanted him to. When I asked him what he thought I should do, he said he simply couldn’t tell me. I think the conundrum was that the same risks probably exist either way. If the baby really is that big and continued to grow for another week or two, would I be able to deliver her? If I have only a week left and she has not even begun to descend into my pelvis, will she ever? Her head was measuring “out of range” and the measurements were freaking me out.

He did tell me that being induced when I am barely dilated to one centimeter and the baby hasn’t started to drop will be “brutal” but that he understood my worries about letting her get too big and knew that that could make a rough delivery as well. It was a decision I had hoped so much to avoid and one I had agonized over for the last couple of weeks. But my husband and I had talked about it a lot and I had spent a lot of time praying about it. In the end, I knew that the right decision for me was to be induced on December 1st.

I’ll be honest, part of my motivation was emotional as well. After saying goodbye to four babies already, I have struggled with anxiety during this pregnancy. My losses were all first trimester losses, but in my journey, I met and heard the stories of so many women who lost their babies after 37 weeks - many of them for reasons completely unknown. I have said it so many times - I can’t unsee what I have seen or unknow what I now know. Although baby A has looked perfect (although big) at every single appointment I have had with the doctor, the fear still grips me sometime that I could make it this far and then still lose her. I have wrestled with this fear and spent a lot of time praying, asking God to keep her safe, and asking Him to help me trust Him. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t sit around all day every day imagining terrible scenarios. But at least a few times a week I will have to stop what I’m doing, tell God how scared I am, and ask Him to give me peace and to protect my sweet baby. For the duration of this pregnancy I have always said, “I feel like she won’t be completely safe until she is out of my body and in my arms.” I know that isn’t really true. In our fallen and sinful world, there is no such thing as “completely safe.” And I know that God carries her whether she is in my womb or out of it. But I won’t be able to completely relax until she has been born and I can see that she is healthy and perfect!

So, I say all that to say that it was a tough decision that I never wanted to make. It has been difficult for me to go through basically the same thing that happened at the end of my pregnancy with Penny - say goodbye to what my plans were for labor and delivery and put myself in the hands of the doctor’s and nurses. Some people have shared their opinions with me, whether I have asked for advice or not, which has added to my stress some. But the decision has been made and I will check into the hospital tonight to get things started. And regardless of everything else, I am beyond thrilled that God has given me this baby to carry. I am so thankful for a healthy pregnancy. And I am super excited that sometime tomorrow I will most likely be holding this sweet baby that I have prayed for a dreamed of for a very long time. My God is so good!

What I’m looking forward to: Baby time! Snuggles, the smell of her head, pouring over every detail of her body - her tiny fingers and toes, her chubby fat rolls (face it, she’ll have them), her sweet little nose and lips, her sleepy eyes. That first moment when she is in my arms and my husband kisses my forehead and all feels right in the world. Watching her big sister meet her for the first time. Watching her grandparents hold her for the first time. Changing her first diaper (yes, even that!). Bringing her home and watching her grow up. Every little thing...